


I dont wanna go

by hellogothkitty



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M, No Smut, age gap, the girl is 18
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-25
Updated: 2017-01-25
Packaged: 2018-09-19 20:48:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9459863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hellogothkitty/pseuds/hellogothkitty
Summary: Negan is being an asshole.





	

His. I was his. Completely and utterly his. Vulnerable and exposed I lay on top of him. A warm hand on my back securing I stayed that way. It was surprising to see how much warmth could radiate off such a cold person.   
it’s odd, feeling like you don’t own yourself anymore. I am his property now and he can do what he pleases with me. No matter how I object or how much I defy him, he always wins. The sick thing is: there’s nothing I can do about it. What am I gonna do? Call the cops? Run away? Only to be caught by a walker or something worse; another human.   
He takes a deep breath in underneath me and I feel him starting to stir. Our legs are tangled, my head lays on his chest and my hand rests atop his bicep. It felt nice, I have to admit.   
I soon feel a rough hand starting to pet my head and playing with my hair. I don’t pretend to be a sleep or awake, I just lay there staring in front of me. After a while I let out a shaky breath and the petting stops.   
‘You’re awake.’  
I turn my head to look up at him.  
‘Why do you pet me like I’m some sort of dog?’ I ask him, not accusingly but curious.  
He starts grinning widely at me and puts his hand back on my hair. Before I can say anything, he grabs my hair in his fist and roughly tugs it backwards and to the side. I wince but stay quiet. I know how this works. ‘Well good morning to you too, darling.’ His mouth still in that wide grin.  
‘Now what did I teach you?’ I reluctantly give him his morning kiss. It’s routine now, I know what happens if I don’t. ‘Good girl, such an obedient girl compared to a couple months ago, where did all that fire go? Damn, I hope it isn’t because of me,’ He grins even wider. ‘I hope I didn’t crush your spirit or anything like that.’ I look at him with so much hatred. He knows what he’s done to me, he broke me into tiny little pieces and now he’s spitting on what’s left of me.

I look at him with so much hatred in my eyes but it only seems to fuel his joy. He takes so much pleasure in this. ‘Don’t you have to go do leader stuff or something?’  
‘I can do whatever I like.’ I say nothing, silently willing him away. ‘How come I get the sense that you don’t wanna be here?’  
‘Because I don’t wanna be here.’ He’s playing with me and I don’t like it.  
‘Then leave.’  
‘What?’ I don’t understand. ‘You heard me. Get up and leave if you don’t wanna be here. I’m not holding you down, in fact, you’re on top of me.’  
‘Where do I go?’ Negan has become my routine, my home, not that I like it but it’s true. He’s all I have left.  
‘Fuck do I care. Stay in the sanctuary, leave, whatever you want, babygirl.’  
Right, stay in the sanctuary where I’ll live off some unfair point system and have to do whatever they tell me to. Or even better, leave the sanctuary. Get eaten or get captured by someone even more fucked up than Negan. It’s embarrassing to say but I don’t stand a chance. I’m an 18 year old girl who never properly learned how to fight off walkers and I don’t have a pound of flesh, let alone muscle, on me. I’m weak. And as much as it pains me to admit it, being with Negan made me feel stronger. He’s so strong, but much more than he is strong, he is powerful. Whole crowds of people drop to their knees at the mere sight of him. People respect him as much as they fear him. I fear and hate him as much as I am attracted to him. The truth was, I didn’t wanna go.

‘You’re lying. You wouldn’t let me go.’ I was not going to admit that I didn’t want to go.  
‘Have I ever lied to you? I’m a man of my word, and I’m telling you, right now, that you’re free to go. But you have to choose now.’ His face has become stone hard. His usual boyish grin now gone.

I didn’t know what to do. How do I stay, without him knowing that I want to stay. Why would he even give me this choice now. I’ve been with him for a while now and I have always been clear about how much I hated him. Why wait all this time, teaching me and grooming me to his liking, and then let me go. It doesn’t make sense.

Unless he knows that I won’t go. Unless he knows that I don’t want to go.  
That sick psycho. It wasn’t enough for him to break me down but now he wants me to admit to him that I don’t wanna leave him. 

I played out my options in my head. I could call his bluff and start packing my stuff, see if he stops me. Or I admit that I would rather be with him. The latter just isn’t an option.

I jump off him and start collecting my clothes, which occupied one drawer of his dresser. I put them in a big bag Negan had lying around. I then start collecting my toiletries in his bathroom. When I come back into the bedroom Negan has pulled himself up on the bed and is now resting on his elbows behind him. There’s a tiny smirk on his face and a joyful gleam in his eye which tells me that he knows. He knows that I know. Now it’s just a game of chicken. Who will break first.

I’ve got all my stuff packed up and I’ve replaced my pajamas (Negan’s oversized shirt) with my normal clothes and I’m ready to go. That fucker still hasn’t tried to stop me, hell, he hasn’t even said a word. Just keeps staring at me.  
‘Well, that’s all my stuff.’ I look at him, trying to stall. Come on, asshole, stop me!  
‘I suppose it is, sweat heart.’ He grins even wider.  
‘Okay, well, bye.’ He sarcastically waves at me in return.  
I slowly walk towards the door and grab the handle, still waiting for him to stop me.  
I turn the knob and open the door. My heart is pounding, I don’t know what to do. He still hasn’t stopped me and I doubt he will.   
I take one step forwards and stop. This is it, one more step and Negan is out of my life. I look down at my feet and still don’t move.  
‘Something wrong, darling?’ I can just hear the grin in his voice and it angers me beyond belief.   
I take the one step back and throw to door shut. I drop my bag to the floor and turn to look at him.  
‘You asshole! Why are you doing this to me?!’ I yell at him.  
‘I’m not doing anything, sweat heart.’ He smiles widely.  
‘You know I don’t wanna leave.’ I reluctantly admit.  
‘Is that so?’ he pretends like this is news to him.

We stare at each other for a few seconds and I start pacing towards him. I climb on the bed and straddle him, I hesitate for a second before crashing my lips on his. He smiles into the kiss, he knows he’s won. I know I lost but right now, I didn’t care. All I cared about was the softness of his lips on mine and the rough hand exploring down my back. And right now, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

**Author's Note:**

> idk if that was any good. dont hate me for not writing smut, im so bad at it.


End file.
